Motivational Monday's: Learning to Say "No"
Are you a people pleaser? You’re not alone! I definitely fall into that category too. Do you ever remember the kids in school that would beat to their own drum and do things “because they wanted to”? Well….that definitely wasn’t me!
I wanted to fit in and not make any waves, but after years of growing up and becoming a young adult and a business owner, I have needed to find a new balance and it hasn’t been easy!
This past year has been a huge growing experience for me and I have finally realized that I CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE….Whoa!! Sounds pretty simple, but much harder to do and I am still trying to re-program myself so it becomes a little more natural. I’m still trying to figure out if I have some deep rooted fear in rejection, failure or both?
The reason we (Bill and I) went into business for ourselves was to be our own boss, but I quickly realized that I was saying “yes” to a lot of exceptions, why? Because I wanted a successful business that everyone would love.
NEWSFLASH: NOT EVERYONE IS ALWAYS GOING TO LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME (Again, whoa! is that why I am so tired, all of this people pleasing....)
Fast forward to the present, I now know that I can’t please everyone nor should I have to (do I hear an…Alleluiah, Alleluiah!). I need to be true to myself and not take rejection or “failure” personally if it comes about because I decided to say “no” rather than “yes”, because ultimately the “no” leads me closer to my goals than the “yes” does.
I will give you a personal example, Bill and I began renovating and selling homes back in 2011 and gained a following in the area of people that loved our design aesthetic, hence b&B Designs was born!
We were happily helping people out, giving them our $0.02, but we realized that with our focus split between our design company and our other company, we were having a hard time keeping up. Bill and I married in 2015 and want to move to the next step of starting a family.
With more work than we could handle or want to take on with b&B Designs, we started to turn these projects down and really focus on what would be best for us. I can’t tell you how awful I felt turning down client jobs, afterall, the flattery did go a long way and then with their kind statements, I started to feel guilty.
BUT, I knew we could not be knee deep in both businesses, take care of ourselves and even think about starting a family with the teeter totter heavily weighted in the work category.
The more I have started to say “no”, the more empowering it has become. I realized I may have peeved some people off, but I am doing what is right for us so we can get ourselves into the family mode and bring a little more balance into life!
BTW, I still find myself slipping back into the pattern, or sometimes Bill see's it before me, and is always a good reminder to get back onto the right path.
Key things for me during my transition of “yes” to “no” was:
-Having a clear perspective on what I wanted out of the next part of life (i.e. starting a family / more quality time with my husband)
-setting daily accomplishment goals. I told myself I would work hard and with intension Monday - Friday’s 8-5PM, Saturday’s would be a catch-up day and Sunday’s were a day for me, my husband and family…no distractions!
-Learning to not take other people’s comments personally. The guilt I felt after negative comments were nearly debilitating, I made a conscience choice that these people would not have the power to control my life or how I feel
*I am still working on this one with the business, but I am at least acknowledging when it is happening and consciously making the decision of NOT TAKING IT PERSONALLY
-Making conscious decisions that as a whole would be best for me, my family and my business. That’s not selfishness, it’s living MY LIFE PURPOSELY!
-Reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
I know a lot of people out their struggle with the same things I do, but we can work on getting better together!
Hope your week is off to a great start...